Please kill the lights!

.

Please kill the lights!

.
Is what we hear every morning of this module.

.

.

.
Quality Management is the first module that we attend every week.

Dr. Goh, whom is our facilitator, is also the module chair for Quality Management.

.

.

I remember the first day of school she demanded us to follow her rules.

It’s typical stuffs; rules that you will hear in RP.

Such as: phone switch to silent mode, no msn, pay attention while she’s talking.

Normally we just ignored the ‘rules’ and gradually the facilitators would also heck care on that.

.

.

BUT she’s a different case.

She MEANT what she SAID.

.

.

I remembered the first lesson,

whereby she caught one of my classmate msning (which she did not),

What she did was, she picked on that classmate of mine to answer most of her questions throughout the whole lesson.

.

.

This is the first module of my 3 years life in RP that I ever felt stressful.

I think it’s because that the questions she posted required quick-thinking,

Which obviously I’m lacking of.

.

.

She can be mean if she wants to, but usually she is a nice and easy going facilitator.

She’s the reason that our class is bonded (don’t wish to mention why).

We had a lot of fun and laughter during lessons

& her favourite phrases make it memorable to us.

.

.

People who attended week 15 lesson

..

..

And on week 16 lesson

We made her a card

.

.

She treats the class to MacDonald.

I was too busy eating, LOL

.

.

And this is our facilitator

.

.

.

.

.

there you go, another 16 weeks has passed...

You know?

.
.
.
.
Suddenly I feel that I have lost the ‘hui-ling’ (feelings) of being
expressive in my blog.

I don’t feel the joy of writing anymore.

Lots of event happened and somehow I clear my thoughts on certain
stuffs that have been bothering me for a longgg while.

.

.

.

Human are weird creatures, in fact I’m one of them.

Just weeks ago, I was in a little hysterical state.

I realised I might be having emotional disorder.

.
.

I think I might have a mild depressive disorder?

it matched with the symptoms I had.

I didn’t know that because I never told anyone about this.

.
.

Ever since the death anniversary of my cat, the heaviness in my chest
 couldn’t be washed away.

Gradually, this has become the misery that lives inside me.
.

.

I laughed a lot with my friends.

But afterwhich, I never remembered the laughter.

These laughters just never reach the bottom of my heart.

I felt sad because they are all surfaced joy; and in an unpleasant way,
they are ‘fake’.
.

.

When I’m alone, mood changes drastically.

One moment I may be laughing, it instantly disappear in a split second.

And naturally, tears rolled down without a sign.

It just came on and off, as and when it likes.
.

.

I thought I was a sadist.

Just when I was feeling miserable, I felt ecstatic that I am suffering.

Ironic isn’t it?

It is just like I am anticipating more pains,

wondering when will I break down or suffocate myself from all these rubbish.

Then I realise, that the shaper the pain is, the more conscious I am.
.

.

It turns out that I am abusing my body,

Not purposely, but unintentionally as I lost track of time.
.

.

A thought stuck me…

Maybe it’s because of all those beliefs that I had;

because of the turmoil that I’m experiencing.

I set myself to "death sentence",

Yet my mind and my heart are still fighting over it.

I stopped believing all those beliefs,
but will it do?
.

.

Everything has been clear.

No matter how I wish to flee, it will always follow me..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Illusionary as it is ….

.

.

.

.

I JUST want to SAYYYY,

.
I will BLOG soon...

.
REALL soon...